Hitting the wall part 7 : After the fall

Written January 2019 – Unedited

After the fall

Today

I feel like I am recovering from a stroke.
I am slow, deliberate in my actions, a bit unsteady, weak, lethargic and not really “feeling” much. That could have something to do with the medication.

Going out into the world is exhausting.
Errands and tasks feel daunting.
I am taking it one step at a time, afraid to fall back down again.
I have been spending a lot of time thinking and reflecting on how I got here. It has taken me nearly 3 weeks to start writing. Up until now I didn’t want to talk about it, at all.

What have I learnt so far?

Be kind to yourself.

Be kind to yourself. I say that a lot. I wrote about it. But I don’t think I really got it. Sure, you can read a book or get your nails done. But if you don’t understand WHY, if you don’t grasp the purpose of that time for yourself, it is just going to end up on your DO TO list and then instead of helping you, it is going to cause more anxiety. It’s not so much the activity you do to be kind to yourself. It is your mindset, your thoughts that need to be kind to start with. So stop feeling guilty or bad about doing something for you, that feeds your soul.

This part is still under construction… still learning… still growing and gaining the tools to be aware of the signs.
Work in progress.

Helpful reading:

Burnout, Emily & Ameila Nagoski
The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson
Girl Wash your Face, Rachel Hollis
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
The Gifts of Imperfection, Bréne Brown
Daring Greatly, Bréne Brown
Rising Strong, Bréne Brown
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson
Everything is F*cked, Mark Manson
The 5am Club, Robin Sharma
The Monk who Sold his Ferrari, Robin Sharma
Everything is Figuroutable, Marie Forleo
Hold on But Don’t Hold Still, Kristima Kuzmic
The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save your life, Edith Eger
The Greatest Secret, Rhonda Byrne
The Secret, Rhonda Byrne
The Power of Purpose, Richard Wright
Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl