The secret to life

The secret to life

Yup I have figured it out. Bold I know. And it’s awesome.

Now before I spill the beans…

I don’t want to come across all righteous and bitchy or full of myself. Well not today in any case. I am a Leo. It’s written in the stars that the world revolves around me the sun. I don’t want you to think that I’m too big for my boots, that I’m better than the next person or that I’ve put myself on a pedestal. I hope you don’t think that I am egotistical or know all the answers. No no no. I’ll dim my bright idea light so that it doesn’t blind anyone else.

Gosh all those judging eyes, watching, waiting for me to fall, mess up or even worse, point out a typo. (A side note. Mediocrity always attacks success)

What if I’m wrong? What if I misunderstood all of this and it’s not the secret? What if I make a complete fool of myself? I’ll be so embarrassed. I’ll be humiliated. Even if there is no right or wrong answer I know I’ll pick the wrong one. That’s life. I’ll fail. My life as I know it will be over.

Maybe I should say I-think-I may-have-possibly- sort-of-worked-out-a-way-to-make-life-happen for-me-at-this-stage-but-it-could-be-subject-to change-and-has-terms-and-conditions. Read-the-small-print. That should cover me while I sit on the fence, observing and keeping my thoughts vague and ambiguous just in case I need to flip flop depending on the mood in the room or if the other person has a louder more correct theory, if I want to be liked and accepted.

What happens if I offend someone, inadvertently of course? What if me speaking my mind makes someone else feel uncomfortable? Worst still, what if it hurts someone? Flip… Suzie could well think this is all about her and I could make her feel inadequate, unaccomplished, insignificant? Who wants that kind of guilt and shame on their hands? Not me.

You know what? Maybe it’s not worth it? Maybe I should keep quiet, for everyone’s sake, especially Suzie. I want Suzie to like me. She won’t if I do this. I want those strangers on the internet to think I’m kind and humble and gracious. Who doesn’t? I think I’ll just play it safe. Keep on the straight and narrow. Stay in my lane. Not rock the boat. Avoid conflict. Avoid confrontation. Plodding along, not upsetting people but trying to please them at the same time. That will work? That’s do-able, right?

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and strangers’ opinions right there in the epicentre of your self worth.

Isn’t that how the saying goes?

Or? Maybe, just maybe … wait hear me out for a second…

Stop letting other people’s opinions and judgements of you hold you back.

You love watching series TV, so much so that you even have ideas for your own show but worried others might think it’s lame?

You want to be a dancer even though you are a middle aged single mother and it’s not like you could make a living from it now so why bother?

You love writing and wish you could write a novel one day but maybe your writing sux and who would want to read it anyway?

You want to be your own boss but running a company is not something you have experience in. Maybe entrepreneurship doesn’t exactly run in the family and your life will be ruined if you fail? Oh and it’s scary as shit and way more work than you have time or ability to commit to?

Obviously these are all random examples.

In the very apt and succinct words of the famous Alecia Beth Moore,

SO, SO WHAT?

Stop letting other people’s opinions and judgements of you hold you back.

Stop letting your self doubt and people-pleasing tendencies hold you back

Stop letting perfectionism and fear of failure hold you back.

The small print

There is always a but people!

Yes anything is possible but as long as your intentions are in the right place and you have a plan. If you think spending 8 hours a day on the couch watching tv is going to pay your rent or your kids school fees then you are delusional. But maybe with the right focus and effort and consistency, along with some training in tv production, interning at a studio some weekends, getting up at 4.30am every morning learning how to write a screenplay etc.. then those actions could result in you producing and directing a series for the next Netflix and bankrolling your Kardashian-esque life.

Maybe you don’t make a career out of exercising or running marathons but it’s a hobby you love and it makes you happy and healthier, it fills your cup, so that’s a good enough reason right there to do it.

I’m trying to encourage this kind of mindset in my kids. I think this should be taught at school. Last night, like every night during the homework fight, Aiden says

I suck, I’m stupid, I’ll never know this stuff” or “I’m not going to win the challenge, I’ll come last.”

It’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

My boy if you think you are going to come last, then you probably will. If you think you will come first, there’s a good chance you will.”

Aiden “oh oh really???? Really? So if I think I’ll go to space on a rocket ship then I can click my fingers and it will just happen??? Really? Look look am in space yet???”

Insert like a gazillion eye rolls and I’m pretty sure I heard one of those obnoxious click sounds. I have no idea where he gets his sarcasm from. I must look into that.

“Nope. Of course not. It’s not going to fall into your lap. It doesn’t work like that. But if you want to go to space, then you know where you want to be. You just left out some steps.

Learn. Study. Go to astronaut school so you can fly a rocket ship.”

Listen by this stage it was 7pm. “We” were still on homework task one, “we” were talking very loudly as “we” are trying not to shout and that’s the best I could muster up in my blind rage passionate parenting coming from a place of love and caring. (I’ll talk about reframing another time)

Funny thing is, Mr obnoxious, cheeky “I have a retort for everything my mother says” was silent, for a few seconds. He didn’t have a smart- ass comeback. He had a look on his face that kind of said

Oh, right, ja, ok. That makes sense. So that’s how it’s done?”

See, the secret to life.

Well, at least that’s what I’m hoping.

Climbing the ladder

Climbing the ladder

This was written Monday 18th March in my personal journal on Evernote. I hadn’t planned on publishing it, but then after a few days I reconsidered as this is essentially the purpose of this Perfectly Sorted blog site. It’s the fact that I am not. My writing, this site, is based on values of authenticity and honesty.

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Monday Confessions

Monday Confessions

While most people have begrudgingly crawled out of bed and are dragging themselves against their will into the new work week filled with dread, I am secretly happy.

Yes I have a confession to make.

I love Monday’s.

There aren’t too many meme’s for those of us that do. I feel like I have to keep it on the QT. Work colleagues be like Urggggg so I pretend and go …

“Ja… yoh Monday’s hey”

But not any more. I have immersed myself in enough self development content to know that visualisation is based on science and that if you think you are going to have a kak week and that Monday’s are where the kak begins, then it will be so and your brain will find evidence to support that theory. In fact, your brain cannot tell the difference between a negative past experience and negative thoughts. Your brain experiences them both the same way.

Just chew on that for a moment.

The shitty Wednesday you had last week and your thoughts that this week is going to be much of the same even though it hasn’t actually happened yet, doesn’t make a difference to how your brain interprets it. (I would insert a reference point here but there are too many to rattle off. Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, NLP etc etc. Google it. )

I have another confession to make. I love mornings. Yup. I said it. Out loud.

Now I know my Mom is choking on her coffee or apple slice or a handful of home roasted nuts. Or most likely that sneaky piece of chocolate she was hoping to have while no one was looking. I was NEVER a morning person. I’d calculate the absolute latest time I needed to wake up to get the maximum sleep and still get to school or work on time.

But people change. Or more accurately kids changed me when I realised that waking at the crack of dawn gave me my only sliver of hope of having a meal without indigestion and a cup of tea I hadn’t warmed up 4 times.

Morning and Monday’s both give me the opportunities to start fresh and to make little changes and improvements. I’m not talking about big life changing events. Just little tweaks. Refinement if you will. They both give me possibilities. If the previous day didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped, I’d evaluate it, make some tweaks and in the morning I get to give it another go.

As you know I’m focusing on getting my mornings right and although my plans seem rather ambitious, and no I haven’t #nailedit, but … BUT I am making progress. I am listening to podcasts. Not always in the morning- more like in the car. I am watching interesting TED Talks. I am meditating – also not quite every day – and I am having hot water with a slice of lemon (ok that I’ve definitely nailed). I might not be getting to all of it in the order I envisioned and I’ve noticed I need to change a few things or make some seemingly minor adjustments like where I sit in the lounge, what I do first and that is also ok. I’m not looking at it as failure. I’m looking at it as figuring out what is not working in order to find out what does work. The point here is that I am not trying. I am DOING. Trying implies that I’m going to think about making an attempt. Doing means I am getting up and doing the things I said I would do.

The same applies to Monday’s. A new week to have a better week than the week before. Answer calls like I am happy to hear from work colleagues. Reply to emails like I am having a conversation with them in person and it’s not the 112th email of the day with the same query. Carving time out for me. Quality time for the kids. Phoning a friend. Working on my goals. Working on my side hussle – my writing – my self development- my creativity. I have a half painted dressing table turned desk as I ran out paint but that’s ok. I am half way through my new book. That is also ok. I am doing things. I always say that I am a work in progress.

And while I’m on the topic of confessions, I confess that I “borrowed” a school peak from the lost property box with another kids name on it as I didn’t have time to get Aiden another one for his first cricket match! ( he lost his first one). I did replace it this week after I got sorted. Promise. Thank you Swartz family for lending it to us.

I also confess I pack the same sarmie all week in Aiden’s lunch box ( affectionately known as the floating sarmie) as I know he doesn’t eat it or even open it but if anyone looks in his lunch box then it looks like I am feeding my child.

I confess to a shameful swipe or two at the gym as I just needed 100 points to reach my goal and didn’t have time for a workout.

I confess that I found the entire Suburb’s ant colony in my butter dish, with a full brick of butter and instead of tossing it, I stuck the whole thing in the freezer and then just scraped the ants off once frozen. Firstly the cold would have killed off any germs and most importantly … butter is f&£! Expensive. I wasn’t going to throw that away.

And I confess that when I should be reading my book or writing, I am playing Two Dots … obsessively! Level 412.

Here’s to Monday’s and mornings perfectly sorted

Bonnie

PS I confess that although generally I do love Monday’s, I don’t like Monday’s that start with a 4.15am wake up and a 5am Uber to the airport for a flight and then a two hour drive and then a six hour meeting and then a work dinner. #justsaying