Today I am grateful that I am here. Alive, breathing. Today someone else is not. Today someone is not here. Yesterday someone lost a loved one, a husband, a wife, a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a son a daughter, a friend. Yesterday someone lost their willingness to live.
I usually avoid difficult conversations like the proverbial plague. I particularly avoid the subject of death.
This was written Monday 18th March in my personal journal on Evernote. I hadn’t planned on publishing it, but then after a few days I reconsidered as this is essentially the purpose of this Perfectly Sorted blog site. It’s the fact that I am not. My writing, this site, is based on values of authenticity and honesty.
If feels like forever. It feels like a minute ago. I think the apprehension of what might or might not happen was worse than the actual event.
“Ok Bron we are all done now. Congrats”
And that was that. A marriage dissolved. Divorced.
I haven’t replied yet. What do you say to a message like that?
Ok? Thank you? You too? Noted?
I am hoping that in this instance the 2 blue ticks of a Whatsapp read message will suffice. I am not yet fluent in divorce etiquette.
What do I feel? Not sure really.
Right now I feel fabulous. I spent a small fortune and 6 hours at the salon and emerged a different new me. I feel fucking phenomenal.
Relief Free A chapter closed. A little numb.
I feel like it’s one of those moments where what goes up must come down but right now I don’t care. I am in the moment. I am sitting in a coffee shop that serves Cosmo’s at 7pm at night with Table Mountain behind me and the sun setting in front of me and I feel like all is right with the world. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City.
Now is not the time for reflection or to peel back the layers and digest all of this. I need to just be and let things take its course. I don’t want to control my emotions right now.
Right now I am not a Wife. Right now I am not a Mom (Kids are with Jean, bless her) Right now I am not a Daughter (I haven’t called Mom yet) Right now I am not a Sister (I have called my Sister yet) Right now I am not an Employee (took 2 days off work)
I am ME – and what that is?
Every time I think I know, I surprise myself and learn more. I am excited to find out. I have pink nails and blonde, very blonde hair. I can be anything I want. A writer? A dancer? A leader? A TV Producer? An interior designer? Who knows.
Ok Shaz is around the corner. I must hustle. The fat Cactus awaits.