This was written Monday 18th March in my personal journal on Evernote. I hadn’t planned on publishing it, but then after a few days I reconsidered as this is essentially the purpose of this Perfectly Sorted blog site. It’s the fact that I am not. My writing, this site, is based on values of authenticity and honesty.
This morning I got up early without snoozing.
But I hadn’t been.
I meditated for 10 minutes, which I still find incredibly difficult to do and stick to.
But I hadn’t been.
I did 8 minutes of stretching this morning. Yup 8 lousy minutes. Seriously.
But I hadn’t been.
I could be upset that, for someone who usually works out on a fairly consistent basis and is usually pretty flexible, that the last two weeks have set me back considerably. I mean I can barely touch my toes.
However that just goes to show what a state my mind, and therefore my body, has been in that it tensed and twisted into a pretzel. Just stretching this morning was not easy. I could have looked at it as a failure on my part that I slipped backwards. In fact I did feel exactly like a failure, like I fell off the ladder. And you know what happened? I didn’t do a damn thing. Not even an arm stretch as I felt I had already failed. How’s this for a paradox. I got anxiety about the fact that I let my anxiety flare up affect me so badly and throw me off track. Yup, I had reached that level where I was anxious about being anxious!
However last night I made an intentional decision to change my mindset. (Look at me trying to put into practice my learnings from YouTube.) I acknowledged and accepted that this is where I am right now, and that I have been here before so it shouldn’t be daunting as I’ll soon get back to where I was and go further. I’m seeing this as a learning curve.
Speaking of curves… let’s talk about The Slight Edge principle as I recently finished the book. It resonated with me as I agree 100% with the fundamentals. It’s something I was pretty much already trying to do without realising it. But seeing it in black and white and referring to it as a principle seems to give it more gravitas.
The Slight Edge Principle:
Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions – repeated consistently over time add up to the difference between failure and success.
The problem is that as it is slight, you don’t always notice the benefits immediately. In fact that’s the point! You can’t. However, if you do get a chance to read the book, you will understand that The Slight Edge principle either works for you or against you. There is no neutral or middle ground. You are either going up or you are going down.
My anxiety attack threw me off course and one by one I started making the wrong albeit tiny little insignificant decisions.
I’ll hit snooze just this once today.
I’ll skip gym just this once today.
I’ll make a sandwich instead of fish and veg for dinner….. just this once as I’m tired and well it’s easier to just make a quick sarmie.
I’ll skip reading my book just this once and instead watch Friends reruns….you know just for today.
I’ll miss the morning meditation because I snoozed too long, just this once of course.
I’ll write in my gratitude journal later, I don’t have time now, I’m too busy stressing, I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll skip it just this one time.
One time, not unlike the airline, was my demise. “Just this once” turned into two days, then four, then ten days. It went downhill ever so slightly it caught me off guard. I felt frenetic, had brain fog, no focus, no energy. I was grounded.
Until last night.
Last night, I took a deep breath, counted down from five, I picked up my pen and wrote.
One small intentional positive change.
Then I picked up my notebook and reread my notes and mantras.
Another small intentional positive change.
Last night, instead of wallowing or ruminating on everything I had done or not done the last two weeks, I decided that in the morning I’ll just get up and do the little things that I already KNOW are good for me.
That I need to be positive.
That I need to be intentional.
That I need to be focused.
That I need to be productive.
That I need to be the best version of me.
One small intentional positive change at a time.
So what if the last two weeks were a write-off? I can’t change that.
But I can be deliberate about what I chose today.
And I’m going to keep doing that all day today.
Just for today.
And when tomorrow comes, I’ll do the same.
I have the tools.
The most important tool… my mindset. It can either work against me or for me.
It’s my choice.
Now let’s get back to climbing that ladder.