For the first time since being divorced I decided to give online dating a proper go. It doesn’t feel natural or comfortable for me, it’s way out of my comfort zone and completely unlike the traditional meeting people via other other people or meet at work approach that was around back in the day when I was single. (Pre Google and Apps days).
So firstly it’s weird just flicking through a paint swatch style catalogue of photos going yes or nope. It took me a bit of time to figure out the navigation, in the process accidentally liking guys I didn’t and even super liking someone – whatever the hell that means. And don’t even get me started on the profile photos. Some look like they took an impromptu selfie at a braai in the dark while suffering a stroke. There is real and authentic and then there is just plain “What were you thinking?” Others are pics of their dogs or greenery or most of their face covered with sunnies and a trucker cap. Sure dude, I’m keen. The mystery of a lack of your face is as alluring as a root canal). Or a group photo with chicks and other guys so you don’t even know which of them you are supposed to be swiping for? Were they hedging their bets? Then there are the ummmm… chest and lower region photos. Well I can give you some advice for free. No woman that I am aware of would ever, ever base a start of a potential relationship be it casual or otherwise on picture of a bare chest or ill fitting shorts. In fact I find it hard to even just flick through photos like I’m picking stationery out of a catalogue. Or identifying a perpetrator??
But none the less I have heard many success stories of people finding their partner and soul mate online. And considering I’m not bumping into any eligible bachelors between the school run, gym, Pilates or work, I don’t have a better idea. Actually I lie. I did have a fleeting idea and I’m sorry I know how it sounds but hear me out…. perhaps the only place to find good, solid decedent men might be at funerals because the only way they would be available is if their wife passed in some untimely tragedy. Like Wedding Crashers but not as funny? It was fleeting. And I would never but you get my point? The cliche “all the good ones are taken”.
So … online dating. I have this notion that only losers or guys who have no interpersonal skills to meet people in person would hang out there. Or for convenient hookups. But then I signed up so where does that leave me? I had to put my reservations aside and hope that there are guys out there who are also just as nervous, feeling awkward but trying to take the next step to put themselves out there.
After a few blips navigating I got some matches and then the messages started.
Hi… how was your day
Hi.. so where you based?
Hi.. thought I’d try my luck and message you. Hope you reply.
Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.
So I try the obligatory interview style banter. One guy is quite funny and persistent and I think ok let’s try this. After lots of back and forth we agree to meet for drinks on Tuesday night at 7pm. I really thought I was going to cancel but my cheerleader girl squad was like “oh no chick. You’ve got this”. I rearranged my day so kids were dropped home early. Nanny sorted to look after kids. My girlies debated on the most appropriate outfit that was casual but not too casual but not too suggestive, but not too frumpy.
I was ready.
6.30pm “Hey I’m running late, just got home do you mind if we make it 7.30pm”
Umm ok sure I say.
6.37pm “Sorry to mess you around but I’ve got so much to do and still need to go to the shops. Can we make it another night?”
Sure I reply.
I don’t know this guy so I’m not about to launch into an explanation as to how this was my first online date and everything I have done to get myself to this very moment only to be rejected for what? Bread and milk??
I got cancelled on for a grocery shop? Seriously? That is worse than me saying I can’t go out as I need to wash my hair. I finally pluck up the courage to try online dating and then this? I just had to laugh. To be honest I didn’t enjoy any part of it. Not the account setup. Not the swiping part. Not the conversation part and of course not the rejection part either. To be fair to him though if it was an urgent milk run I get it. I do. I could never settle for long life milk in my tea.
He messaged the next day asking what my Thursday looked like.
I said it’s looking like me at home with my children in my pajamas watching Netflix.
I have deleted my account and climbed back onto my comfy couch for the foreseeable future. If online dating is the way forward, I am certainly not ready for that.
Maybe one day my Cute-Meet moment will happen but for now I am happy to just focus on my family and work on swiping right on me.