It’s a Public Holiday. Women’s Day. We slept in. I got up before the kids and had my brekke in peace and just as I was about to voice note my friend I heard Ava yell for me. Not the first time mind you. Every time I think I have a quiet moment to send a voice note to Lisa, kids come crawling out the woodwork. Sorry Lisa, No more voice notes chick. I just can’t risk it. I should have known better than to temp fate. Ava was up, which meant my sidekick would be attached to my hip until approx. 9pm tonight with any luck. To clarify, luck for the going to bed at 9pm part, not the being attached to my hip part, no luck required there, that is just a given.

And there was snot. A lot of snot. Bugger. Again, to clarify, Ava’s not mine. Day 1 of a 4- day weekend, of course they would be sick. And Aiden you ask? Snoring nicely of course. I am lucky I don’t have “wake at the crack of dawn” kids. I have “can’t get the bloody rats to bed” kids which results in the “can’t wake the ratty kids up for school” kids.

Ava was sitting next to me pretending to work on her “puto, just like Mom. To be fair this is probably the first weekend I have actually taken my laptop out the bag. Aiden finally woke, called his buddy Tebs on whatsapp video for ages, ate his breakfast in bed and “continued lounging around in bed, in his shorts watching YouTube or playing video games. As public holidays go we were on a good wicket as the morning unfolded.

So, and this is a lesson I think all kids should clock, when Mom is in a good mood and happy because the kids are playing nicely and not yelling and screaming at her or each other, or nagging and whining, then Mom likes to be nice.

I decide to make crumpets. The kids love crumpets. I love the kids. Perfect!

I get the stove on. It takes a while for the electric stove to get going. I miss my gas hob. Unlike the kids, it listened to me. It was hot when I wanted it to be hot, no waiting and procrastinating. When I didn’t want heat, it refrained immediately, no ignoring me.

Anyways, I digress…..

So back to crumpets. Perfect idea and all that. I got the stove on and the ingredients out before I was summoned back upstairs. I am trying to pry myself away from Ava’s clutches as I am supposed to be “helping her” with her puzzle which means I have to sit there next to her and watch her do it. This is not easy, to clarify, both prying myself away, and the watching her play part. She is not happy and giving me stick about it. I managed to escape back downstairs and start baking. Next thing both kids are downstairs in the kitchen. Ava is crying because I am not helping her and Aiden very very happy about the crumpets.

I ask Aiden to help Ava with her puzzle. And then I think it was around this point that things started to unravel to such an extent that after hours of reflection and rocking myself in the corner (I would be under a shower, but #watershedding and all that) I am regretting why I thought I would be strong enough, emotionally, to suggest crumpets? I mean on the Mom scale making crumpets for your little cherubs must be at least a level 7 out of 10? I am still hovering around Mommies for Dummies entry level stuff like trying to get them to brush their teeth or hair? Or even change out of the dress they have been wearing since Monday. I mean I forgot to give them breakfast the other week. Basic stuff. And here I thought I would tackle higher grade crumpet-making?

Aiden put a piece of puzzle in place when Ava wanted to do it. Or took one away. Someone touched someone, or someone said something ugly to someone, or used the word ugly. I don’t know, the specifics are blurry at this point. Then shit got real. Drama erupted. Tears, crying, door slamming ensued…. and I didn’t know what to expect of the kids when I got upstairs either.  I go referee and somehow ended up being yelled at by Aiden that I am the worst mother ever, who even cares about crumpets, he didn’t even want crumpets and he wishes he had a different mom. Yes the same Mom who, after dropping her precious boy at school and driving off noticed that he was crying and yelling her name, so stopped the car in the middle of the road, jumped out, left Ava in the car, ran after him calling his name – which he didn’t hear as he walked off, so ran back to the car, found a parking down the road, got Ava and went back into the school, took 20min of searching and still didn’t find him so stood by his class line waiting, almost bursting into tears that her baby boy was crying for her, and not knowing what was wrong, only for him to saunter in at bell time and say oh you promised me tuck money. That was LAST WEEK MY BOY! FFS) Ava is crying because why am I not helping her, I always go to Aiden first, and I don’t care about her and I never spend any time with her. Yes the same Mom who spends every night from 6pm to 9pm every night, I know I said it twice, I mean it, lying next to her trying to get her to sleep, or building puzzles with her or colouring in with her, and then for her to end up sleeping all night in Mom’s bed. Yip THAT same Mom

WTF just happened?

All I was trying to do was make some crumpets for them? I didn’t even want crumpets. I am not sure I even like crumpets. I am pretty sure I wanted pancakes. Seriously.


Photo Caption:
They say photos can tell a thousand words. They can indeed. Maybe not the same thousand words you would think looking at the picture. Take this one for instance. You just read the drama above. This photo was taken in the crumpet calamity aftermath. And Aiden never made an appearance. So it was just Ava-Jane and I, enjoying our crumpets. And yes, that is the same dress she has had on since Monday. 

Happy Women’s Day indeed!

Perfectly Sorted
Cruella de Vil


One response to “Crumpets!”

  1.  Avatar

    You capture such times perfectly Bonnie and I truly feel for you 😥😣😶


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